Arian the Handyman

Arian the Handyman

3 mins
April 28, 2020

Dear Editor -

I very much enjoyed your column of April 21st in which you chastise the nitwits who do not take the COVID-19 virus seriously. I have two brothers and they too don’t seem to be all that bothered by the virus. It seems since they have not had the disease, and don’t know anyone who has been affected by the disease, it is not, in their estimation, very widespread or much of a problem. That is like saying that, if you didn’t know someone who was killed in Vietnam, the war didn’t happen.  Well, buckos, it happened and now this disease is happening. Okay, enough of my pulpit speech and on to the real reason for this letter.

My wife Arlene is a woman of infinite patience and me, being the me I’ve always been, have again managed to yank her chain. The device, actually two devices, causing the angst with Arlene were our kitchen range and our clothes dryer, whom I will call Chester, who was limping rapidly toward oblivion. We ordered a new dryer and it was delivered to our front porch. Arlene, the ever patient, and I needed to get the thing into the house. I went out to my pickup and pulled an old army blanket from behind the front seat so we could slide the machine easily over the floor. Just to show you how many times I clean out my truck on removal of the blanket I found a twelve-roll pack of toilet paper that I had purchased sometime early last year for use in the town hall.  Since the receipt was still attached, I had never been reimbursed, so I kept it.

Now to dryer installation. The door opened the wrong way, so we followed, somewhat less than diligently, the instructions for reversing the door. We should have taken a picture. We fought the machine and managed to tick each other off for something in the vicinity of two hours before Arlene looked at the instruction manual again and noticed what we were doing wrong. We talked civilly after completing the task. To be clear I am not mechanically inclined which is easily proven by me getting confused by something as simple as a hinge.

The very next day as I was preheating the electric oven the lower element decided to do an imitation of a welder. Poof.  It was kaput. I ordered a new element and it made it to Bruce, Wi from someplace in rural Tennessee in two days. Out came the instruction book.

Door removal was needed to do the repair. The door, of course, has hinges and the instructions were explicit enough and the door popped out with not much problem. Repair of the element was quick and easy. I am good with electrical things. Getting the door back on was another quite frustrating story. Two hours spent trying to convince a hinge to do what it is designed to do pushed both of us close to our limit of being nice to each other. I think Arlene might have gone to bed that night while she was still mad at me is a good possibility, but she would deny it. 

As the two of us approach decrepitude, things might get worse but we really won’t care.

Arian Knops, Bruce, WI 

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